*this post was written while waiting for my delayed plane* (Mercury retrograde travel issues)

1. rule – there are no rules. if cutting merging or finding a way to NOT stand in line for long periods of time is not ur forte… pretend you’re someone else and do it!
lets take me for example… i arrived in phuket 4 days ago… 2 planes late to walk into the immigration section pictured below. it took me 2-2.5 hrs to get past immigration because they only have ~8 reps for 4-5 planes worth of people. fail #1. once i got past immi. i had missed my taxi and my bag wasn’t there. they had lost my ish.

rule 2… NEVER exchange your money INSIDE where the bags are OR right outside of the baggage claim double doors. i was 3 hrs behind schedule, stressed and all kinds of other things i wont get into here but lets say due to my mental and physical state i got coerced to exchange a nice chunk at that first desk u see when u walk out with the 2 ladies and later learned I had just been jipped out of close to 4,000 baht (plz don’t take me back to that… i’m trying to forget about it…and its gonna take a while #nolol)

rule 3. taxi costs to or from the airport to patong beach area should cost you NO MORE than ~800 baht. i scheduled one thru my hotel and they charged me 1000 (but i really only paid 500 cause i didn’t even make the ride) and on my way back to the port… i paid 700 only because the ride was after 10pm otherwise it would have been 600.

rule 4. in patong… EVERYTHING is up for negotiation. remember this “it cant hurt to try” the merchants care nothing about your wallet. they have mouths to feed and will work their children to work you out of your money. also, they may cop an attitude if you aren’t interested in patronizing with them… be forewarned.

rule 5… remember at the airport… all things that may seem like common sense in how to do things… DON’T. you’re dealing with a myriad of “different” cultures… as well as tge logistics of the thai business culture…adjust and adapt… and if you’re not comfortable with cutting… money talks worldwide. i know id take a 10 or 20 if someone wanted to cut right in front of me last min… i had to wait anyway might as well get paid… so don’t rule it out if you’re in a rush.

rule 6. have fun. its a beautiful place. if ur airport experience proves to be a bit rough, don’t let that ruin paradise for you. trust – take it from someone who had a breakdown on the steps of orange restaurant at 6 am after having no bag, paying more money for a ride i didn’t use, getting jipped at the exchange, and not having a room for the rest of that nite/am. my trip ended on a totally different plane that how it started.

Good luck… and enjoy!

Imagine 8 more lines of people at immigration. It looked like a MJ European concert.

And imagine all the baggage claims stopped with more bags on the belt and on the floor next to it